Are You there????

Have a precious friend who is going through things I can’t comprehend. 

The pat answers come easily to my lips, even though every word is true:

God will hear

God is listening

God is working

It’s the pain.

Several times, over the years, that gut twisting, sharp heart pain that “never” seemed to go away  brought me to my knees, left me weak and curled in ball on the bedroom floor or holding tightly to my soaked pillow on the bed while screaming into it, “Are You there?”

For the onlooker it is easy to say “look up”, “just believe, just trust” and in our minds we know all this. But the pain, it draws our focus back to that dark, hurting place we want to flee. It locks us into the darkness and throws away the key. Are You there?

I loved the morphine pump by my bedside after my surgeries. The button never left my hand the first 24 hours post-op.  Each time I pushed that wonderful red button I would feel the numbness and drift off . . . a break in the cycle, a few minutes to let go and find relief.

In the pit of emotional pain – where is the red button?

I remember asking the Lord “why, Lord, is this path, my path?” His answer astounded me, “to keep you on your knees and in my arms!”

True, if, for these particular seasons in my life, would I be where I am in this spiritual journey? Would I draw close to Him as quickly as I do now if not for the “scar tissue” of my heart that keeps me bent over,closer to the ground, easier to fall on my knees before the Father?

Do we see the One holding us, no. We are wrapped in His arms tightly, our head buried deep into His chest, straining to hear His heartbeat – we can’t “see” Him because we are being held in the everlasting arms of our eternal Lover, our Bridegroom. Eventually He puts us down, holds us steady and we see His smile!

Are You there?

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

 If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

 even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you. 

Yes, in the pain He is there . . .His hand IS leading me and His right hand Is holding me.